A Simple Man With a Simple Dream

A Scientific Breakthrough

Exciting news today from CERN:

[Pools full of M&M’s], if they exist, are very short lived and can decay in many different ways. Discovery relies on observing [Dustin splashing around gleefully] rather than the [pool of M&M’s] itself. Both ATLAS and CMS have analysed several [possible ways Dustin could fill the pool with M&M’s], and the experiments see [no problem with the idea].

This could change everything we thought we knew about pools, and their ability to hold M&M’s. The only downside is that we had to hear the news from European scientists. C’mon America! We can do better!

A Symbol of Inequality in America

Today I calculated it would cost me $226,000* to fill an above ground pool like this one with M&M’s. It’s not even a nice pool. I couldn’t dive into it. I couldn’t do back flips. Handstands would be a joke. And yet, even filling this pathetic pool with M&M’s is far too costly. 

Something is wrong in this country.

This blog is a cry for help.

We need to find an affordable way for normal Americans like myself to be able to fill our pools with M&M’s. And swim in them.

*I’m terrible at math. But no matter how you calculate it, it’s a lot of money.

*UPDATE****

My friend Greg checked the math, and he says: 

(((7.5^2*pi*3.5)/(2.2460128 × 10^-5))*.68)/420)*(25.95/5)

Obviously, what that means is I could be splashing around in that depressingly small pool for a mere $84,624. But the pool would still be only two-thirds full. We’re talking less than two and a half feet. If you stood in it, the M&Ms would barely reach your thighs. 

Are we going to accept living in a country where you have to spend $84,624 and you’re still only thigh-deep in M&M’s?

No, we are not. We can - WE MUST - do better.